Front Cover

Table of Contents

Foreword

Chapter Four

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Fourteen

Back Cover

The purpose of this work is to commit thoughts to action; thoughts that I found myself saying over and over, day after day, almost in rhyme and meter. Without regard to my mood or affiliation, these thoughts rang in my ears and evolved into epiphanies.

My lips involuntarily moved in sequence and shaped words into wisdom that flowed without effort. I began to speak, in small public arenas, with confidence and authority, which has proven to be a wonderful blessing. But, life is lived outside the lines. And what I’ve learned, I now feel I need to share in a much broader, more audible manner –primarily to reinforce my own understandings.

The forces today that promote self-expression through outward appearances and material acquisitions have become so great that they are rarely questioned. The desire to possess more is so rampant that any means to an end are fair game. The evidence lies in the fact that the affordable freedoms are gained at others’ expense. We want more money, newer cars and bigger homes. We then drive these cars wildly to save seconds, complaining about the traffic. We start businesses for autonomy and self-expression only to forget why we started. We take the most basic liberties for granted…until it’s too late. Given the opportunity to state our opinions, we blame rather than praise. Given an inch, we take a mile. Do we really think we’re getting away with something? Or do we simply justify our actions to soothe our conscience? Well, I did both and, by the grace of God, had it all taken away.

I worked to pay, gained to lose and saved to stop. When was it going to be enough? The enemy’s grip on me to buy into the promises of money, power and greed was unyielding. Never once questioning the source of strengths and passions, I must have thought the well flowed without limit. And I assumed it was just me. I was so full of myself that by the time I had finally come face to face with the demons within me, the well from which I drew strength was dry.

The panic was on. I had done it now…but even the master manipulator I’d become had a plan. The web of vanity was woven so tightly that I believed that I was negotiating with God. Although I believed that I had accepted God into my life, I was using the blessed skills to craft a plan to put my old life back together. How dare God give joy and then take it away? Why would a “loving” God do this? God wouldn’t. I was negotiating with myself all along. God had a better way…a way to get out the other side.

I discovered my capacity for forgetting lessons I’d previously learned. From time to time, this still causes me to metaphorically stub my toes on doorways as I walk along in life. It’s as if I find myself so deeply entrenched in my own life experience that I lose all objectivity. Accordingly, I have adopted a few principles for decision-making that I expound on in this work.

When questioned about these principles, I respond, “because I believe.” And these beliefs that I have embraced are not limited to a thing, person or faith, but a spirit, an endless passion…a passion as pure as a mountain stream, and as thundering as the rapids. Rather than deny my newly found beliefs, I sought to express them in writing. As a result, this writing is as much an apology as it is a confession and serves as a step in the process toward healing and recovery. In addition, since this writing was initially for me, it does not serve as a “how to” guide or reference manual. Rather, it is an observation of another way…a plan to bridge the span between occupation and avocation.

This writing is about my journey out the other side. It is a story of hope and inner peace and the pain and sufferings attached to these things. My grandfather once told me, “Did you think you were going to get the benefits without the burden?” I never had a chance to thank the man I’m named after. Now, every time I sign my illegible name I’m reminded of his soft-spoken, unappreciated words of wisdom.